I very often find myself comparing myself to my peers on an intellectual, social, and even physical level because its hard to really measure myself anyway else. Many times I come up with things that I think I’ll be able to start and maintain to better myself and mostly it ends up being bullshit on my part. Foremost I feel as though my intellectual stature as it is, is not very much, I sometimes just really try and think about what I’ve really learned up to this point in my life, it doesn’t feel like much. By much I really mean nothing at all almost. I’m in my second year of college, ahead a semester credit wise, taking classes for my major but I feel i haven’t retained much of anything. Such a thing cannot be blamed upon anything or one other than myself, I’ve surmised that I have a grave inefficiency in studying and even in knowing that what i will do to change it. This all seems so stupid and easily fixable considering here’s a problem and there’s your solution but “laziness” is and has always been as Michael C. Hall’s character Dexter would say “my dark passenger.” I tell myself that this semester on campus is gonna be different I’m gonna hang out more and be more social but I am now more seclusive here at school than I’ve ever been. I’m 19 now and one thing I have learned is among everything the only person ever really holding you back is yourself, even knowing this I’ll probably have lapses in stupidity still on what things beyond what I’ve mentioned need to change. My burgeoning childhood has quickly evaporated into a burgeoning adulthood and I need to act as such and make most of my life, rid myself of my dark passenger which Is really much more than laziness but more-so largely myself.