Never thought about it as an outlet before, something popped in my head and I furiously began writing, might be just the thing I need right now.
Now when I guess it’s all said and done I’m drowned in a rain loneliness. Its very interesting how emotions work. In contemplation I know I’m not alone but my mind and heart tell me differently. I need to vices in life it’s starting to become caged now, but maybe that’s what I need to place myself in a small frame to create a clearer picture.
Right now if my mind were twitter “Death” would be one of the top trending topics all the time these days. Maybe its because I’ve increasing found more and more things to live for or the focus I’ve given the death that is all around us all the time but we dont pay attention too. I’ve never been directly effected by death and nor do I but its an inevitable course of life. That may be why its on my mind all the time it cant be stopped and you generally dont know when its coming, Blam!!!!! then your a lifeless corpse. My dad died when I was like a toddler so I never even knew him but it use to tear me up emotionally, I didnt even know the guy, it was emotionally debilitating with out even memory, so pretty much id rather die old but also first amongst all my family and friends, but how likely is that…
Why is it when as you lay you head down to sleep that’s the exact moment where your most ingenious ideas or philosophical questions appear within the mind. That’s how it is for me for whatever reason and its pretty annoying considering im trying to sleep but i thought what if i sleep and just don’t wake up, a bit morbid yes but what ya gonna do. Death is such a funny thing because theirs no sequel to your life no matter how good or bad it is, no three part book trilogy, when its done that’s it, its a wrap. I’ve never thought about how exciting and sad that makes our lives.
It’s amazing how certain things that have gone on and happened in your life, can completely change perspective or impact wise. For instance, two days ago I was taking a shower and the random thought of 9/11 popped into my head, in fourth grade, just a mere boy unable to understand what was occurring. At that age to tell you the truth I quite frankly didn’t even care, what impact would something like that matter to me and my life. But a decade later I see the whole instance with new lenses, a larger understanding of the effect of that event has placed on the me and my generation. The war our country was engaged in for a number of years, still occupying a number of countries still now in the middle east, the massive amount of debt placed on our country, with the next generation left to pick up the tab. I digress, things really take on a new shape overtime, its a very interesting phenomena.
People completely overestimate their own importance and impact on those around them and the world to an extent. As i cruised through my school library looking over religious works, trying to find something specifically on atheism, as it is something I believe the most realistic belief system, my own idea’s of life sparked in my head. Many people in my eye’s seem to not readily either except or realize how minuscule and fragile we are as beings and that if we were to vanish from the universe nothing would really stop or be lost. We each individually must live our lives to the fullest because almost as ants atop an anthill, everything could be gone and lost without a moments notice. I definitely want to live my life being aware of if I were to die that other than those close to me the world would move on within even a small shutter, so I take advantage of the opportunity that is life, so when I as a being fade into the ether of nothing that consumes us all, it can be done so with a smile on my face.